What does Self-Care actually mean and Why do You need it?
Do you constantly feel frazzled and overwhelmed? Have you been putting yourself on the back burner lately? Are you having trouble sleeping? Or maybe you constantly feel irritable and have been snapping at people?
These are often signs of burnout and that you may need to practice self-care. These could be signs that you need to slow down, take stock of your needs, and see what needs tending to. As I wrap up my series on coping skills, I want to tie in how they relate to self-care as a whole. Self-care can be a confusing term and the term has certainly been misused. Coping skills are the tools and resources we need in order to manage stress and being emotionally activated. Self-care is about how we utilize those tools to care for ourselves, what we need in order to enjoy our lives, and manage our stress.
When you are working on improving self-care in your life it can be helpful to focus on behaviors that support your greatest self. This can be a good lens to begin creating a self-care routine for yourself. Take time to ask yourself what you need to be your best! Consider what kind of routine will help you be more successful? What kind of diet will support your greatest self? What kind of hobbies will connect you to your greatest self? What kind of friends? What is your ideal sleep schedule? What kind of structure do you need? What kind of freedom do you need?
Self-care is about creating a routine around what you need in order to be fully charged and at your best. Perhaps that is getting up between 7:30-8:30am, or maybe it is doing yoga before work instead of after work. Take time to play around with your routine and check in about how it is working for you. Know what tools you have to manage stress and anxiety throughout the day. For example, know your breathing techniques and use these as you get activated. Know that you can channel your stress through creativity by writing a poem.
Self-care can look different each day! Some days self-care might be indulging in a sweet treat or two, without any shame or judgement, because life feels hard and you need a reminder of its sweetness! Some days self-care may look like meeting a friend for a walk around a local park, so you can get some fresh air and experience more connection to nature and your friend. Some days self-care may look like crying in your shower to release some pent-up emotion. Some days self-care make look like saying ‘No’ to plans because you really need to rest and have a quiet night in.
Some days self-care may be taking care of your physical body by getting a massage, giving yourself a pedicure, or getting a haircut. Other days self-care may be taking care of your mental health by seeing a therapist, meditating for 30 minutes, or following along to a Qi Gong practice on youtube. Some days self-care may be more about your heart and emotional health. It may mean spending some time forgiving yourself, or letting a friend know what they did to hurt you.
Some days self-care is pushing past your inner critic and taking a creative risk. Some days self-care is keeping a promise to yourself to build inner trust. Some days self-care is being flexible with yourself and not holding yourself to standards and expectations that are unachievable. Some days self-care is staying in bed all day or all weekend! Some days self-care is taking a 7-mile hike by yourself or with loved ones. Some days self-care may be belting out your favorite tunes or playing a guitar or drums. Some days self-care is putting something off to do the following day and not being hard on yourself for doing so. There is no one size fits all. There is no right or wrong way to care for yourself, but be mindful of your intention.
Do you know how to take care of yourself the best? If you don’t, how will anyone else know how to take care of you? How will you know how to let yourself receive and be taken care of if you don’t know what you need? How will you know how to communicate those needs if you don’t first know what they are? These questions are not meant to make you feel bad, but rather to showcase how important it is to explore these questions and this area of your life.
You must know what you need in order to show others what you need and communicate to them how to help you meet those needs. Notice how I said ‘help’ you…As adults, it is our responsibility to meet our own needs. To care for ourselves. It is not someone else’s responsibility to rescue or save us. To know how to take care of us. Many people will gladly allow themselves to be taken care of, and there is nothing wrong with that either. It feels really good to be taken care of! But it is important to find a balance, otherwise we risk codependence and this creates unhealthy relationship dynamics. It is important to have faith and confidence in our ability to care for ourselves; to know what we need and know how to communicate those needs to people around us.
When you feel stuck, focus on the biggest need you have been neglecting. If someone else is neglecting your need, ask yourself if you have been neglecting this need as well? If we neglect our own needs, we are inadvertently teaching others it is also okay to neglect our needs. By treating yourself well, you teach others to treat you well too. So, figure out the need that has been neglected, and then ask yourself what action or behavior will best meet this need? Maybe you realize you haven’t been feeling safe in a friendship in your life. Ask yourself why you haven’t been feeling safe. Is there something you need to do, like have a talk with this friend, take some space from them, and figure out what’s bothering you? Ask yourself “what do I need in order to feel safe in this friendship?” and/or “when is the first time I remember feeling unsafe? What happened?” From here you can start to get an idea of how to tend to yourself and this need. This can help you trace the wound and begin to recognize patterns or reoccurring red flags in your relationships as well. That’s why it is so important and helpful to be aware of our needs and why self-care is crucial.
I hope this post has been helpful for you. Thank you for taking the time to read! I wish you the best of luck with your self-care practice and creating a powerful routine in your life. If there are ever topics you would like to know more about or have me break down further, please send an email to me here. To learn more about working with me, click here.
Sarah Lustig is a Licensed Therapist in Colorado and a Holistic and Spiritual Coach living in Asheville, North Carolina. She is the owner of a Nurtured Essence, a healing center, aimed at helping people overcome their fears and live with more purpose and lightness. She specializes in working with wounded healers, empaths, and lightworkers.