Embracing Change and Times of Transition
With everything that is going on in life right now, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. We are in the middle of a Pandemic unlike anything we have ever experienced before. We are also living through a ongoing civil Rights Movement and conflict with Federal, state, and local Police. We had a tumultuous election, both pre and post results. These are scary times to be human. At times it can feel like life is spiraling and you have no control. During these experiences, most people try to cling on for anything they can, and find stability as much as possible. We want to feel homeostasis within, and we need to feel safe in order to do that, so we try to control everything around us and make it perfect.
However, there is no perfect, and life is messy. As they say, “When it rains, it pours,” and it’s pouring now. So instead of going rigid and trying to force everything to be the way you want, or go the way you want, this is the time to bend. Humans are resilient! We have survived a tremendous amount of pain and suffering throughout history, and are still here to tell the tales. Humans have survived hardships many times before, and you have in your own life! Trust in your resiliency! Trust in your ability to regrow and rebuild.
What are some of the challenges we face when changing?
Change is not necessarily easy, or without pain. It takes effort to change. It takes effort to adjust to changes in life, and that is okay. Too many people have such high expectations of themselves when they want to change. Change is not a straight, linear line. It is more like the line of a heart beat reading, with a hint of roller coaster thrown in. In order to change, or embrace change, you must do so slowly and gently. It is hard to trust that change will bring a better outcome, so sometimes we would rather stay the same, because we can at least know and trust that experience. To change takes courage.
Changing means surrendering to some degree. We have to have faith that things will work out and be for the better, or we are bound to get caught up in our fear and doubts, like a fly in a spiderweb, and fail. You are bound to stumble when you, or life around you, are changing. And guess what? Life is always changing, which means it is okay to feel like you are constantly walking blindfolded through the night. Despite this feeling, try to have faith in where you are going. Trust in your heart to take you there. You can ask the universe, or whoever you believe in, to bring about benevolent changes into your life. You can ask for support, and for you to receive benevolent outcomes to all challenges.
What helps us change?
When making changes in your life, or trying to embrace changes that are taking place, try to focus on how you want to feel. Try to make changes based on how you want to feel instead of avoiding a feeling. Also, focus on being kind to yourself, and not judgmental. For example, “I want to work out more because it will make me feel stronger,” verse “I want to work out more so I don’t feel like a lazy slob.” Try to be clear about what you want to get out of the change you are making. This will help you understand why you need to make the change or how to go about doing it. Try to have fun with it. We’re much more likely to stick with something fun, or that we make fun, as opposed to something that makes us miserable to do.
Many people set themselves up for failure when setting goals because they expect too much, too soon. They try to go from zero to 180 and wonder why they fail. It takes time to build new habits and routines into our life. We may have to adjust our lifestyle or schedules to make room for the changes we want to make or encourage in our lives. Begin slowly, and build from there, as you gain success with consistency.
Like the previous example, let’s say you want to start working out. If you currently have no workout routine, you can’t set a goal to work out 5 times a week, and expect to be successful. After 2 weeks of trying to do that, I guarantee you will be tired, sore, and frustrated with yourself and your workout. You will start to be hard on yourself, and have thoughts like “I knew you couldn’t do it anyway.” or “I knew you weren’t strong enough.” But neither of those are the truth. You start the negative thinking loop of limiting beliefs and doom yourself. The truth is, you just didn’t manage your goal realistically, tried to take on too much too soon, and then beat yourself up when it didn’t go well, instead of reassessing what needed to change.
What is the best way to change?
If you want to set a goal to exercise a better way would be to incorporate it into your life slowly and thoughtfully. Let’s say your ultimate goal is to work out 30 min 4x week. Don’t start there. Try to start with a goal of working out one time a week, and doing a bonus second workout if you have time and energy. Do that for a week or two, then start to see if you can make 2x a week the goal, and a third time a week the bonus. Maybe you need to start with 15 minutes 1x a week, and then bump it up to 20, then eventually 30 minutes. Is it better for your energy and body to work out in the morning or does it help you unwind to work out in the evenings after work?
Consider where this change can fit into your schedule for you to be most successful. Try not to be rigid with yourself about it or create any strict rules. Perhaps you can work out Monday and Wednesday mornings, but need to work out a third time on Friday night. You don’t need a rule about only working out in the morning or something. Be flexible with yourself. Meet yourself where you are in life. See what you can learn as you incorporate changes into your life. Don’t be afraid to make adjustments if the changes aren’t working for you. Remember to focus on how you want to feel as you are making changes in your life. Focus on how these changes are going to bring you closer to the life you want to have. Try to have fun with this.
Be gentle on yourself as you attempt to make changes in your life or respond to changes that are out of your control. There is no one “right” way to respond to, or manage, change in our lives. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed at times. Lean on your community for support! I’m also here to help guide you through any changes you are facing. Learn more here.
Sarah Lustig is a Licensed Therapist in Colorado and a Holistic and Spiritual Coach living in Asheville, North Carolina. She is the owner of a Nurtured Essence, a healing center, aimed at helping people overcome their fears and live with more purpose and lightness. She specializes in working with wounded healers, empaths, and lightworkers.