How to Overcome Fear

“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.”— Rudyard Kipling

Have you been struggling to sleep?

Does the news overwhelm you, but you also can’t seem to stop watching?  

Has your anxiety been steadily increasing, and do things that used to be enjoyable, now feel dangerous or feel uncertain?  

You are not alone! There is a tremendous amount of fear in our collective experience right now. As a globe there is a lot of fear, and rightfully so, to some degree. Boarders are still closed in areas. People are worried about losing their jobs, or having enough to feed themselves and their family. People are worried about getting Covid and infecting their loved ones. People are scared about the conflicts in politics and how those impact their day to day lives. We have been experiencing a collective trauma for a year now and it has been taking its toll on Mental Health.  

Fear is a big part of that. There is also however, a lot of people who want you to be afraid when there are not reasons to be afraid.

How does Fear keep you stuck?

Fear is used to control people and how they act. Governments and abusers use fear tactics to keep people living in submission. We can use fear against ourselves to keep ourselves living small and limited lives. Fear is a killer. It kills our dreams. It kills our connection to others. It kills our confidence, our belief in our worth, our hope. It kills our creativity and joy. It also impacts our immune system. Scientists have studied this and have shown numerous times how much stress impacts our immune system and weakens it. The more fear we experience, the more stress we feel, and this impacts the health and wellness of our immune system. We can burn through a tremendous amount of energy by dealing with fear. For these reasons, it is important to work on being aware of our fears and how they may be impacting our daily lives and health.

How can we work with our fears?

We can start by being curious about our fears. Our fears have a lot to teach us. For example, I have a fear of “getting in trouble.” It keeps me from taking risks at times in my life. When I started to explore this fear, I realize it stems from ‘wanting to do the right thing.’ When I realize I just care deeply about doing the right thing, and when I ‘do the right thing,’ then there is likely no way I will “get in trouble.” When we understand the root of the fear, we can understand how to work with it. So, get curious about your fears. Write them down–see what they may clarify about you. 

Maybe you have a fear of rejection…this may mean you care that others like you…Do you act in ways that make you likable? Are you kind, patient, and understanding? If the answers are yes, then maybe you don’t have to be afraid if others like you. If you can practice having confidence that you are likable and that others want to be around you, then you are more likely to behave in ways in which this is the truth. If other people don’t like you, maybe that is also okay. Not everyone is going to like us, and often that has nothing to do with us.  

Maybe you have a fear of abandonment…this may mean you don’t want to be alone, or left alone…Explore why this may be? Can you practice spending time with yourself on purpose? Can you make a point to show up for yourself and take care of yourself? If you abandon yourself, you are teaching others it is okay to abandon you, whereas when you are sure of yourself, and your ability to stand on your own, then you attract people who respect and honor those parts of you. 

Consider these fears. What do you miss out in life by letting them rule you? You are likely missing out on friendships, career opportunities, meaningful connections, fun new experiences, loving relationships, and much more. Is fear worth these? Are your fears worth missing out on life and living to the fullness that you can? Becoming aware of all we lose by letting our fears win, can help us start to take steps away from our fears. Can you let you love be louder than your fear? Can you allow yourself to fly and soar to new heights, as you release the fears that weigh you down? 

How can fear help you?

Find the root of your fears and what they have to teach you. Our fears can teach us what we care about. Our fears can teach us what matters to us. Start to see your fears as a teacher, and maybe, in time, you might even begin to recognize your fears as a friend and ally. Life has a lot to be afraid of, but on the other side of those fears is real freedom. The more you face your fears, the smaller they get, and the less power they have over you. 

When we are sovereign within ourselves and believe in our own personal power, then our fears become less threatening. Practice feeling into your inner strength and believing in your ability to overcome and rise to the challenges of life. Fear tends to make the world feel like a cold, dark place, but if you look around and truly take in what you see, there is so much evidence of love and a beautiful and thriving world. Remember, millions of people experience stress and challenges each day, and yet we make it through. The sun continues to shine, and we wake up each day. The birds sing their songs, the squirrels gather their seeds, the grass grows. Life will, and always does, go on. This simple reminder each day can be powerful.

What can help you overcome fear?

Remembering no matter what you are going through, you can persevere. For hundreds of years people have survived unthinkable experiences. If you are going through something scary, or want to take some scary big risks in your life, find others who have done the same. Find people who have walked the path you are on. See what they have done and what wisdom they have to offer. There are so many resources around us to help us succeed. Sometimes all it takes is asking for help. 

Courage means having fear and doing it anyway. You don’t have to eliminate fear in your life completely in order to be successful. Let fear be a part of your experience, but do it anyway. For example, last year I was asked to read a poem to a crowd. Public speaking is not something I ever feel comfortable with, but I was honored to be asked and didn’t want to be ungrateful and turn it down. I asked some friends to show up for support, and I went on stage to read the poem, with my stomach full of knots and my heart pounding. It was uncomfortable in the moment, but when it was done, I felt proud of myself, and so glad I was able to honor a request and show up when needed. 

Don’t fear your fear. Learn to work with these parts of you, and your life will start to open up. Fear keeps you living a small, limited life, and you were meant for so much more! Don’t let your fears get in the way or limit you. You are stronger than your fears! Learn more about how I can help you overcome your fear here.

Sarah Lustig is a Licensed Therapist in Colorado and a Holistic and Spiritual Coach living in Asheville, North Carolina. She is the owner of a Nurtured Essence, a healing center, aimed at helping people overcome their fears and live with more purpose and lightness. She specializes in working with wounded healers, empaths, and lightworkers.