Releasing the Stress of the Holidays and Returning to the Magic
The Holidays can be a beautiful time of the year, but for many, who are already fried from this year, there is an edge of dread. The past few years have challenged us in new and unexpected ways. We have had so many transitions and continue to do so. It can be so hard to find stable ground right and feel anything other than exhausted.
If you have been feeling this way, you are not alone. Many people are overwhelmed right now and struggling to get by. Perhaps you find yourself wanting to skip through the next few months and get to the new year already. While I can absolutely understand that, I also want you to know there is another way. That this year doesn’t have to be so stressful and you can still find moments to enjoy yourself! Today we’re going to explore what gets in the way of experiencing calm and how you can finish the end of the year feeling good about how you wrapped up this one!
What are some of the biggest Holiday Stressors?
For many, being around family is not easy. Family often has a lot of expectation of each other and many families have enmeshed boundaries. This creates complicated family dynamics, in which people may not always feel comfortable being themselves or may not always be accepted for being themselves. People often drink more around the Holidays and during family gathers, which can increase tension if some has been brewing already. Family can be critical of each other and get under a person’s skin more than friends and coworkers. For others, they may have a complicated relationship with food and the holidays can bring out insecurities around consumption and body image.
The Holidays are generally a stressful time in relation to travel, weather delays, flight being overbooked and behind schedule. For nervous systems that are already fried, traveling this year can feel like a daunting task. During previous years, travel has been overwhelming. These days with added restrictions and layers, it is much more complicated. These stressors can take away from the pleasure of travel and visiting relatives and make us want to avoid it altogether.
So, how can we Thrive during the Holidays?
The first step is setting boundaries and being clear about expectations and how we can and want to show up with our loved ones. Having open and calm conversations around what we need to feel safe and comfortable in each other's company. Keep in mind we only have control over how we respond. So having a game plan of how we want to respond if, or when, a family member doesn’t respect a boundary. We can’t control what others say or how they act, but we can feel good about our behavior when we can act in a way that honors what we need and who we are.
Setting boundaries is the key to helping others understand what it is you need. People don’t automatically know and it is important for us to communicate with them. If we don’t set boundaries, it is like going to a restaurant and getting mad when the waiter doesn’t automatically know what we want to eat. We have to give our order if we want them to know. This is the same with friends and family, we must communicate what we need to them. The best way to do this is simply expressing it as if you were placing an order with a waiter. We don’t assume the waiter is going to say no, or yell at us for asking. We trust that they will take our order and all will be well. This is the same with family. Remove the drama around setting boundaries. It doesn’t have to feel so serious or be scary.
How can we return to the magic of the Holidays?
The holidays were an exciting time for most of us growing up. As kids the Holidays are a lot less stress. We don’t have to worry about money and how much everything costs. We don’t have to worry about cooking and putting a quality meal together, enough to feed maybe more than one family. We don’t have to worry about making sure gifts are “fair” and that we have spent evenly on the people in our lives. As kids, we get to focus on the fun, the colors, the lights, the gifts, the yummy savory and sweet foods.
We got to savor and delight in the mystery of it all. We woke up with excitement and joy each day, counting down to our favorite moments. Picking out a tree or placing the Menorah and candles. Drumming or singing together with loved ones. Cooking and baking with aunts and uncles, making cookies and cutting vegetables. Do you remember what it was like? Can you think back to days when life felt easier, lighter, more colorful? What were you favorite traditions during this time of year?
For me it was laying under the Christmas tree and looking up at the lights and ornaments. I loved the smell of the fresh Pine and the glisten of the white lights. Laying there looking up, it felt like anything was possible and that maybe everything would be okay. This is a feeling we all need to find again. The world is looking a little scary right now, but if we remember, our ancestors overcame so much. War, famine, rations, and more.
The holidays are not about the gifts, the materials stuff. They are about coming together to love each other and celebrate our traditions, our heritage, and each other.
It doesn’t matter how many or how few gifts we can afford to give, or we receive; it’s about the love we share with each other. This is how we return to the magic of this time. Let go of the stress, the worry. Focus on showing up with genuine love in your heart. Focus on the beauty and mystery of this time and try not to worry so much about making it look or feel a certain way. Surrender.
Wishing you and your loved ones a most beautiful Holiday season from my heart to yours! To learn more about working with me, click here.
Sarah Lustig is a Licensed Therapist in Colorado and a Holistic and Spiritual Coach living in Asheville, North Carolina. She is the owner of a Nurtured Essence, a healing center, aimed at helping people overcome their fears and live with more purpose and lightness. She specializes in working with wounded healers, empaths, and lightworkers.