Holiday Boundaries to protect your Inner Peace
Holiday gatherings are meant to be fun and make this time of the year special. However, that is not always the case. Some families can be very toxic to be around, especially if someone is trying to heal from long-held family wounds. It can also be stressful to spend time within-laws and away from your own family and traditions.
The holidays can also be a lot of pressure. This pressure can take the enjoyment out if the experience. This year will be especially challenge for a significant amount of the population. Covid-19 has taken many lives this year, and is keeping many family members and friend separated. This separation from loved ones is challenging and takes a toll on us. This will make the Holidays bittersweet, bringing sorrow for the friends and family members who won’t be here to celebrate with us. Many people had loss to their income this year, making their budget tighter. Many won’t be able to spend time with loved ones for fear of getting others sick. It is hard to know what the ‘most right’ decisions are.
Whether you are single or in a relationship, both can have different challenges. Being single can bring up feelings of loneliness and lack. It can highlight areas you feel unworthy, but that doesn’t mean you are. Being in a relationship can make things hard if there has been tension or you don’t feel the connection the way you used to. It can be hard to be around family when there is tension between two people in a relationship. This time of year can make us feel like we have to ‘fake it.’
This holiday season please make sure to take care of yourself! Prioritize what you need to feel safe, comfortable, and happy. Others will understand our intention and what we feel is most right for us. Only you can know what that is but hopefully this blog can help you start.
What can help you survive the holidays with family?
Set a time limit on how you long you want to be somewhere or with certain people. Maybe you are invited to a family gathering. Just because people may be there hanging out all day, does not mean you have to stay all day too. If you need downtime, or simply want to have other plans as well, that is completely okay. You don’t have to stay anywhere longer than you want to. However, it can be helpful and polite to communicate this to the host. A simple “I can stop by around 3pm and stay for 2-3 hours” is enough. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your needs. They don’t need to know more than you feel comfortable expressing. This is especially important for introverts, Empaths, and Highly Sensitive People. Drive separate to events if you need to in order to be able to leave when you need to/when is right for you to.
Set boundaries around what you want, and how much you want, to consume. Use your personal discretion here. Only you know how much is right for you to eat. Don’t let others pressure you into trying things you don’t want, or eating something that doesn’t fit in to your diet. For example, I am vegetarian and sometimes it has been hard to find dishes that don’t have meat in them or I’ll go to a friend’s house and they have forgotten that a dish was made with meat products. This is a reminder I give when I go to someone’s house and I always go prepared with something for myself, just in case. Set these boundaries if you have dietary needs. Maybe you struggle with overeating, it may be helpful to set some internal guidelines around this, like only eating 2 different desserts instead of more. (I know! It’s so hard!!) Maybe it is hard to be around family without drinking. Having a game plan ahead of time around how much you want to drink and where you want to stop can be very important. In all areas here, go for moderation and balance as much as you can, while also giving yourself grace.
Set a limit on topics of conversation. Often, we haven’t seen some friends or family members for some time before the holidays. This is especially true this year. This may mean we look different than we did the last time we saw someone. If there are certain topics you would like to avoid, it can be helpful to let people know ahead of time by setting a boundary around this. For example, telling a parent that you don’t want to talk about your weight and asking them not to comment on it. Or perhaps you don’t want to talk about your love life or politics, let people know! It doesn’t have to be a serious or long conversation, but it can be important to have a plan for when these topics do come up. You don’t have to stay in an environment where you are mistreated or verbally abused. You can always leave if you feel unsafe and/or your wishes are not being respected.
Set a budget around gift-giving. This is especially helpful with new relationships, co-workers, and friends. Talk to these relationships and set a budget of how much you can afford. We often have mismanaged expectations and when we clarify these, we can reduce our stress and anxiety in this area. Don’t feel that you have to give in excess to everyone in your life. Get creative and maybe you can make some homemade gifts this year as well. You can make baked goods, candles, artwork, or put together little self-care packages for friends and family. Homemade gifts can often be the most meaningful to receive.
If you are in a relationship or attending an event with someone, have a conversation about these topics ahead of time. Let them know if you need help standing up to a certain family member or how they can show up for you if you have anxiety. Or maybe this family member, partner, or friend has a habit of getting over-involved, it can also be helpful to let them know you can fight your own battles and don’t want them jumping in. Let people know what you need to feel safe and comfortable.
This year will be different than any holiday you’ve had before. This means your needs will be different this year too. Take some time to consider what you need in order to have a positive, successful, and fulfilling holiday Season. Then express these needs to your loved ones. Remember it is okay for you to express your needs and it is important for our loved ones to respect our needs, just as we would respect theirs. Remember you can also choose not to attend events that feel too much right now. Next week I will return to my Coping skills series and help you get better quality sleep. If you need help improving and holding to your boundaries, click here to apply to Private sessions with me.
Sarah Seraphina is a Spiritual Activator and Liberation Guide. She is the owner of Nurtured Essence, a healing space, aimed at helping women overcome their past patterns and fears, so they may thrive and live with more power, purpose, ease, and joy. She specializes in working with healers, recovering empaths and “Damsels in Distress”, highly-sensitive women, lightworkers, and women with a sacred mission.
