How Deepening Your Connection to Self Can Set You Free

“When you know yourself, you are empowered. When you accept yourself, you are invincible.” --Tina Lifford

This may sound strange...The idea of getting to know yourself.  

Shouldn’t you just know yourself? It's you, after all...

What gets in the way of knowing ourselves?

So much of what we think and feel is not our own. We are impacted each day by advertising and marketing, telling us what we need to eat, to buy, to wear, to listen to, to think, to watch. We are bombarded by psychological messages telling us we are not enough. Marketing and Advertising agencies use your emotions to manipulate into believing certain messages. They do this in subtle ways using psychology against you. Tapping in to certain emotions to elicit a certain response so you buy their product or service. 

We also face messages, ideas, and behavioral patterns passed down from our parents, our Grandparents, our siblings, our friends, teachers, coaches, and through our family lineage. These messages could be about anything. For example, that dressing a certain way is wrong or that wealthy people are greedy. We all have unconscious beliefs passed on to us from our parents. We learned these beliefs and behaviors from watching and listening to our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, siblings, and so on, as we grew up. 

How does conditioning impact us?

From birth to age seven, our brains act as sponges, absorbing everything they see, hear, and experience. When someone grows up in a loving, nurturing home this shapes their sense of the world and creates safety and knowing they are loved and supported. Likewise, growing up in a household where there was neglect, verbal abuse, violence, manipulation, and so on, can lead to a view of the world being dangerous, unsafe, and threatening. Experiencing these at school, through bullying, or in other environments can also have consequences for children as they develop. This means you will behave in certain ways in the world from a place of fear. 

Even if you had a great childhood you will have received conditioning about the world around you. Getting to know yourself is about shedding the conditioning you received as you have grown. It takes courage to release the wounds that have created certain behaviors and feelings that aren’t who you truly are. It takes courage to look at these behaviors in yourself and your family, offer them understanding and acceptance, and then let them go. In doing this, you get closer and closer to who you really are. A Soul in a body who came here to learn, grow, and evolve.

How can getting to know yourself help you?

Getting to know yourself is about getting back to the core of you, without all the conditioning weighing you down. This conditioning is dense, especially when it does not align with who you truly are. You can find yourself behaving in ways that don’t feel like you or who you want to be. It can feel heavy, and releasing it feels like taking a giant, thick, winter coat off. You feel lighter and like it is easier to be yourself. It is a journey in which you explore different areas of yourself. It is not meant to be scary, though it can be a little intimidating. 

It starts with exploring your relationship with yourself, with others, and the world around you. How do you want to fit in to the world? Who do you want to be and be seen as? How does this influence your behavior? It means looking at your ideas around money, what friendship means to you, what healthy and being healthy means for you. It takes asking yourself “what do I need in my life to be fulfilled and/or content?” and then taking steps to respond to the answers of your needs. What are your priorities and what is important to you? It means asking yourself why you do what you do. What is the root of these behaviors and beliefs, and are they helping you? 

Getting to know yourself means looking at what success means to you, what kind of relationships support your dreams, and the desires you have for your life. It means exploring what gives your days meaning and makes you light up with passion. Maybe it is a project for work building the latest solar-powered technology. Maybe it is connecting with friends over a meal. Maybe it is rock-climbing. Maybe it is learning Italian for a dream trip you want to take some day. Maybe it is trail running. Only you know what gives you this sense of ‘Ahhhh’ in your heart and lights you up.

What is the purpose of getting to know yourself? 

Remember, we change. Things you used to not like as a kid, you might like now. Food you used to not like, creative projects, games, or workouts, you may like them if you try them again. Sometimes as kids we can have peers, teachers, siblings, and even parents who can mock us or make fun of interests we have or drawings we make, sculptures we build, stories we write. These comments can kill our passion and desire to create. Consider what you used to like as a kid and get back into it. Maybe it was a fascination with dinosaurs, or Egyptian Gods. Maybe you loved to play an instrument or using watercolor. Getting to know yourself means exploring old and new hobbies to you.  

Getting to know yourself means asking what fits in to who you are and who you want to be. It is helpful to explore what goals you have for yourself and your life, and what needs to be released that blocks these goals. The purpose of getting to know yourself is to make sure you are surrounding yourself with relationships, jobs, and experiences that nourish YOU are and what YOU need. The more deeply you know yourself, the easier it is to make decisions in line with who you are and what you want and need. For example, when you know yourself and what you want, it is easier to see if a romantic partner you are dating is right for you. It is easier to tell what emotions are ours and our responsibility to manage verse what is anothers. It is easier to tell if an opportunity is right for us.

How can you start to get to know yourself?

Journaling is a great way to get to know yourself. So is doing audio recordings of yourself speaking about your beliefs around different topics. Sometimes we don’t even realize we think something until we say it out loud or see it written in black and white. Being able to go back and read through a journal or listen to these recordings can help us distinguish more clearly what are OUR beliefs, verse what beliefs or ideas were passed on from your parents, grandparents, or other impactful relationships during our lives. When you record these thoughts and beliefs, you can also then go back months or years later and see how you have changed, grown, and expanded yourselves to be a more authentic version of yourself. Working with me through spiritual and soul coaching can be another great way for you to explore yourself further.

You are a unique and dynamic soul. You are not like anyone else. You are the only you, and you have a unique personality and skill sets to offer to the world. Taking time to get to know yourself and what is important to you will help you live a more fulfilling life. Listen to yourself and what sets your heart and soul on fire.

To work with me and learn how to connect more deeply to yourself, click here.

Sarah Lustig is a Licensed Therapist in Colorado and a Holistic and Spiritual Coach living in Asheville, North Carolina. She is the owner of a Nurtured Essence, a healing center, aimed at helping people overcome their fears and live with more purpose and lightness. She specializes in working with wounded healers, empaths, and lightworkers.