Shadow Work: Reclaiming your Wholeness
There are many misconceptions about the Shadow, what Shadow Work is, and what it entails. The name alone can sound rather mysterious, and a little intimidating. Although Shadow work can be uncomfortable, it is ultimately a very powerful recovery process. In this week’s blog we are going to look a little deeper at what Shadow Work is and how your Shadow can be your greatest ally to returning to your Authentic Self!
What is Shadow Work?
Shadow Work is the process of recovering parts of ourselves that have gone missing or been denied due to the pain and traumas of life. It is called this because these parts live in our “shadows,” thus creating our Shadow-Self. We do not allow these parts to be seen in the light, but that is the goal of Shadow Work. In this process we seek to understand our Shadow and all its parts with compassion. Some of these parts others have chipped away from us, some of these parts we may have given away to others, usually without knowing so, and other parts we have denied or kept hidden from ourselves or the world out of fear. There is usually a fear in what we will find from these parts. We all have a Shadow Self though, and there is also a Collective Shadow, which I will discuss in another post at a later time.
What is our Shadow Self?
Our Shadow Self represents any and all parts we have suppressed or disowned. The Shadow Self is not ‘bad,’ though it is often where we keep parts of ourselves we deem as ‘bad.’ However, there are also really wonderful parts of ourselves that exist in the Shadow, and when we reclaim them, we can become even more powerful! Doing shadow work is about looking at and being aware of these parts, while also integrating them back into the whole. The Shadow can represent parts of ourselves we dislike, are afraid of, ashamed of, or simply unaware of. It essentially represents our unconscious in a way. Shadow work helps us reclaim all parts of us, knowing which parts we can also let go of as we understand them better and when they got created or where they come from.
Speaking of—Where does the Shadow Self come from and Why does it get created?
Our Shadows get created throughout our lives. They are often based on conditioning we receive from our family and the world. They are parts that may have caused us pain, may have caused us to be bullied or made fun of, parts we felt we weird or that we judged as being bad. We started to suppress and resist these parts of ourselves because we worried we were too much or that others wouldn’t like us if we acted in certain ways. In doing so, these parts become part of the Shadow. We might have shut down parts of ourselves that are very necessary and helpful in this process, without knowing so or meaning to. For example, many adults have put their creativity and inspiration in their Shadow. They deny their creative impulses, which they have internalized to be childish. This causes a person to stay in a job that might be financially secure, but that drains them of their joy and life force energy. If a person becomes aware their job is causing them unhappiness and they seek support through Shadow Work, they might explore this creative block and how to live in more alignment with their inspired self.
What does this process look like?
Shadow Work is done slowly over time. Some parts are very skittish, and for good reason. They have witnessed great trauma and they cannot always trust that it is safe to come out. If the person in the example above was mocked and criticized for their unique drawings as a kid by a well-respected person, they might have stopped making those drawings. They might have started to make their drawings look like everyone else around them. In time this progressed to wanting to be like others in more ways in order to fit in, and disconnecting more and more from the true, authentic artist within. In a session working with this part, the facilitator would create a dialogue with this part and the person, helping the person see and understand this part. To integrate this part, the person might be encouraged to get a sketchbook and keep it with them to start drawing whatever they feel inspired by. As they do this, the spark they felt as a child might return. They will start to find their artistic voice again. As they do this, they start to see how their job has been robbing them of their joy, making the connection to this part and it not having a suitable environment to be expressed. They are able to work with their shadow part to make changes they otherwise might not have been able to make. Or they might have made the change to a new job, but not one that was going to fulfill them without understanding this missing piece for them.
I will give you another example of my personal experience in working with the Shadow and a part that most people don’t like very much. I have experienced and healed my shadow in many ways, and it has taken time. Of course, there are still parts to strengthen my relationship with, and others still to let go of. For a long time, I had a lot of anger in my shadow. I had been carrying this anger since my childhood over things that had happened to me. What happened is more than enough to be angry about and I was valid in my feelings. I was not, however, always valid in how and to who I expressed my anger. Doing shadow work helped me understand how I projected my anger on to others and blamed them for anger they had not created. I had to give myself compassion for how this Shadow part had hurt others, and in doing so, hurt me as well. It took making space for my anger and letting it out in healthy ways. This process allowed me to have grace for my anger, understand the root of it, and reclaim this part of myself. Now I can channel this powerful emotion into passion, bringing anger from the shadow and transmuting in into light. Now I know my anger is beautiful and gives me important information.
Shadow work is also Grief work.
Usually, Shadow work brings up a lot of grief. We realize how we have denied such beautiful parts of ourselves. We also realize how we have seen ourselves as less than, bad, or unworthy when that was never the case. We grieve for how we have been impacted by messages we internalized from others about who we needed to be or how we needed to act. We feel confused and angry at ourselves for not figuring it out sooner, but we cannot know what we do not know. It is so important not to beat ourselves up, but do our best to really claim these parts now!
As we uncover more of ourselves, we become more whole.
Each inner part you explore you can choose to heal by letting go or by reclaiming. Some parts we can repurpose, like how I was able to shift my anger towards passion. But some parts we can let go of. They were created out of trauma and don’t help us thrive. This may be a part who was mean to others to protect anyone who might hurt them from getting too close. We can work on letting that part, and others like it, go as we learn who is safe to get close to and how to take care of ourselves when we inevitably get hurt. We can make our parts allies and work with us, instead of against us.
As each person heals their shadow and reclaims all parts of themselves, we each and all can return to unity and harmony. When we respect and honor ourselves, we naturally respect and honor others. The goal of shadow work is to live a more authentic and connected life, in which there is space for all parts of you to exist. In doing so the world becomes a better place through the waves of your healing. When you heal, you act in service to the world.
To learn more about shadow work and getting support in this area, click here.
Sarah Lustig is a Licensed Therapist in Colorado and a Holistic and Spiritual Coach living in Asheville, North Carolina. She is the owner of a Nurtured Essence, a healing center, aimed at helping people overcome their fears and live with more purpose and lightness. She specializes in working with wounded healers, empaths, and lightworkers.